Melancholy

I stumbled across this today while looking for something else.

Feeling a little melancholy today, I guess.

Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, Speak to me in the easy way you always used. Put not difference in your tone, Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. 

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort, Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was, There is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, Somewhere very near, Just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is past; Nothing is lost. 

One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!" 

~ Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918,Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

Never Forgotten

A FaceBook post by a friend really struck home tonight. She was reposting one of Jann Arden's posts that started like this

I had a break through of sorts a few days ago, right after I had a mini 'breakdown'.... I asked my mom if she thought she would ever forget me and she said, "Well, my brain might, but my heart won't". Those eight words took my breath away. 

"Well, my brain might, but my heart won't " ... those words really struck home for me.

When my Mom was so sick and struggling with dementia, I was very lucky in that there was only one occasion when she didn't know who she was when I came to visit in the hospital.

I bustled around the room, doing my thing and yakking away and suddenly realized something was off. So I sat down on the side of the bed and asked if she knew who I was. "Of course I do" she replied. "No you don't". "Yes, I do". "Okay then, who am I?". The moment of truth ... she looked at me with such peace and warmth in her eyes and simply said "someone who loves me very much". I still tear up just to write of it.

A few months later, after popping up to the hospital for a quick unexpected visit one evening, I told her that I had to leave to pick up my youngest daughter (insert name). It had been a particularly bad day for Mom (they had moved her to another room and her mind had just totally shut down) so when something didn't seem right, I asked "You remember Kit Kat, right?" "No, I don't think I do... ".

I took my daughter's framed school picture out of the closet where they had put it after the move and placed it in her hands. "Now you remember Kit Kat, right?". "No, I'm not sure". I left her with the picture, dropped the subject and started talking about something else. When I turned around and looked at her, she was repeatedly softly stroking my daughter's face on the photograph and once again she had the most peaceful look about her.

When I left that evening, she told me that she had been so afraid that I wouldn't find her because they moved her to another room. I replied, much like you would to soothe a child's fears, that no matter where they moved her, I would always find her. She stopped, seemed to consider that for a moment and then responded, "Yes, yes, I believe you will". Her face visibly relaxed when she said it.

I still miss my Mom desperately even though it's been over six years since that horrible day. But remembering (and writing about) moments such as these, while they pull my heart strings and bring tears to my eyes also bring a smile to my face (albeit a sad one) and a feeling of warmth.

On that note, I came across this poem shortly after Mom died. It, too, spoke to me, which was surprising because I am really not a poetry person.

Which, yeah, I believe I shared that with you before. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe, just maybe when it comes to times of loss, I am. At any rate, I will bid you a fond adieu and leave you with this poem.

And the sentiment that, no matter what, I am so glad that I have this blog that has captured, in perpetuity, such important moments in my life. Because even in reliving rereading such terrible moments of pain and hurt and loss, I can still find love, warmth, (occasionally humour) and a sense of connectedness.

Death is nothing at all, 
I have only slipped away into the next room. 
I am I, and you are you. 
Whatever we were to each other, we still are. 

Speak to me in the easy way you always used. 
Put not difference in your tone, 
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. 

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. 
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. 
Let it be spoken without effort, 
Without the trace of a shadow on it. 

Life means all that it ever meant. 
It is the same as it ever was, 
There is unbroken continuity. 
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? 

I am waiting for you, for an interval, 
Somewhere very near, 
Just round the corner. 
All is well.

Nothing is past.
Nothing is lost. 
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

Differences Don't Matter

The following poem was written by Jessica Mercola many years ago as part of a diversity contest at her middle school. I found in in an issue of Exceptional Parent magazine back in 2002.

While she wrote about a "she", the sibling in her poem is actually a "he", her younger brother, who is 6 years old, has hypotonic cerebral palsy and profound developmental delay, is non-verbal and non-ambulatory and has the most gorgeous smile and eyes of anyone! [according to Mom and who are we to argue?]

I have brown hair.
She has blond hair. 

I have long hair.
She has short hair.

I am chubby and short.
She is skinny and tall.

I have braces and glasses.
She has freckles and cerebral palsy. 

I can draw, ride a bike and read.
She can't do any of these. 

I can walk and sit.
She has a wheelchair,
and tries to talk
but out comes noises,
silly ones. 

I like to chew.
She likes to go for long walks. 

I am stubborn and loud.
She is sensitive and caring. 

I am outgoing and fun.
She is different and interesting. 

I go to dance.
She goes to therapy. 

I drink from a cup and eat regular food.
She drinks from a bottle and eats pureed food. 

I like to play outside.
She likes to play with noisy toys. 

She doesn't make any choices.
We make them all for her.

I think I have a good life.
Hers could be better. 

Every day I watch her grow,
in sorrow, laughter and snow. 

I hope no one takes her away.
I would be lonely and miss her every day. 

I start every day with the positive
attitude that one day she'll be
just like me! 

I don't care what we are.
I love her anyway. 

I don't care what other people say.
We'll always be sisters and
the best of friends.
That's the way it's going to stay.

Cross-posted at A Primer on Special Needs and the Law

A Poet I'm Not

Many have referred to Lex as a warrior poet (yes, I'm still getting through all those comments although I'm pleased to say I only have about 5 pages to go ... let's just say that I'm taking a lot of detours along the way) and it's far from me to disagree.

The thing is, personally, I'm really not into poetry. There are very, very few pieces that speak to me. So I must admit that on those occasions when Lex would choose to quote passages from "the classics", well, barbarian that I am ... if the quote went on for too long, my eyes simply glazed over. And stayed that way until they could refocus on some real poetry, like Lex's writing.

So I find it passing strange that I've been posting poetry this past week - like I said, usually, very little of it speaks to me. But, if I post something on these pages (I recall a couple of pieces really resonating with me when my Mom passed away so maybe there's something to that), it's because it does.

I came across this tonight and knew I had to share:

"Going home, going home, I'm a going home
Quiet like, some still day, I'm just going home
It's not far, just close by, through an open door
Work all done, care laid by
Going to fear no more
Mother's there, expecting me
Father's waiting too
Lots of folks gathered there
All the friends I knew
Nothings lost alls gained
No more fear or pain
No more stubbling by the way
No more longing for the day
Going to roam no more

Morning star lights the way
Restless dream all done
Shadows gone, break of day
Real life just begun
There's no break, there's no end
Just a living on
Wide awake with a smile, going on and on
Going home, going home, I'm just going home
It's not far, just close by, I'm just going home

Nothing's lost, all is gain, no longing for the day
No more stumbling on the way
No more fret nor pain
Goin' home, goin' home, I'm a goin' home
Quiet like, still some day, I'm a goin' home

I'm just goin' home
I'm a goin' home

H/T to Skippy Maximus

A Naval Aviator’s Heaven

I'm finally trying to make it through the 1,300+ comments on Whisper's Open Thread at Lex's. Came across this on page 3.

A Naval Aviator’s Heaven (h/t to JAWA)

I hope there’s a place, way up in the sky,

Where Naval Aviators can go, when they have to die.

A place where a guy could buy a cold beer/vodka

For a friend and comrade whose memory is dear.

A place where no Blackshoe or Porkchop could tread,

Nor a Pentagon-type would e’re be caught dead!

Just a quaint little O’Club; kind of dark, full of smoke,

Where they like to sing loud, and love a good joke.

The kind of place, where a lady could go

And feel safe and protected by the men she would know.

There must be a place where old Navy pilots go

When their wings get too weary, and their airspeed gets low.

Where the whiskey is old and the women are young,

And songs about flying and dying are sung,
Where you’d see all the shipmates you’d served with before,
And they’d call out your name, as you came thru the door,

Who would buy you a drink, if your thirst should be bad

And relate to the others, “He was quite a good lad!”

And then thru the mist you’d spot an old guy
You had not seen in years, though he’d taught you to fly.

He’d nod his old head and grin ear to ear,
And say, “Welcome shipmate, I’m pleased that you’re here!

For this is the place where Naval Aviators come

When the battles are over, and the wars have been won.

They’ve come here at last to be safe and afar
From the government clerk and the management czar,
Politicians and lawyers, the Feds and the noise,
Where all hours are happy, and these good old boys

Can relax with a cool one, and a well-deserved rest!

This is Heaven, my son, you’ve passed your last test!

What`s That You Say

Come on. I double dog dare you.
Try it. Forget twenty times.
Just once. As fast as you can.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

GO AHEAD. FINISH IT. IF YOU DARE

'Autism Night Before Christmas'

Disability is a part of my life. A part of my family's family.

Or, put another way, overcoming challenges is a part of my life. A part of my family's life.

So when I came across this little gem on 5 Minutes for Special Needs (a spot I make it to far too rarely lately), I just had to share. Because it's something I think just about any parent of  a challenged child, be they autistic or not, can relate to.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

And all through the house

The creatures were stirring

Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin
And gave a hot bath
But the holiday jitters
They always distract

The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When nightmares of terror
Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift
The right color
And style
Would there be a tantrum
Or even, maybe, a smile?

Our relatives come
But they don’t understand
The pleasure he gets
Just from flapping his hands.

“He needs discipline,” they say
“Just a well-needed smack,
You must learn to parent…”
And on goes the attack

Now go read the rest of it. Please.

And  a Very Merry Christmas to you all.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a youth she's content to leave behind....
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

REMEMBER:

GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS.

YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,

BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!!

I Don't Do Poetry

I don't do poetry.

But I just wasted spent an amzing past hour or so flipping through this man's videos - Miracle Workers, Undivided Attention, Depression Too is a Type of Fire, For The Life of Me, Labeling Keys and Defending American Interests, among others.

Many others. Check this one out. Possibly one of the best funniest. Go ahead, I'll wait.

I don't do poetry.

But the guy is amazing. The man that brought us "The The Impotence of Proofreading" - him, I could do listen to all day.

To have him as a teacher, that would have been something.

'She is Gone'

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins
Silloth, Cumbria, UK

With thanks to the Kit Kat

Struggling ~ Yet Strangely Comforted

"Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put not difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was,
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval,
Somewhere very near,
Just round the corner.
All is well.

Nothing is past;
Nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

~ Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918,
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

'Twas The Month Before Christmas

*Twas the month before Christmas*
*When all through our land,*
*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*

*'Cause the PC Police had taken away*
*And the reason for Christmas - no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds, and Wise Men, and Angels and things.*

*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say,*
* December 25th is just a 'Holiday '.*

*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*
*Something was changing, something quite odd! *

*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes of selling books by Franken or Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*

*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*
*You won't hear the word Christmas;
it won't touch your ears.*
*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*

*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in every public matter.*

*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged or discarded*
*The reason for the season, was stopped before it started.*

*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*
*Sipping your Starbucks, Listen to me.*

*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,
not Happy Holiday !*

Please, all Christians join together and wish everyone you meet during the holidays a MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christ is �The Reason� for the Christ-mas Season!

H/T to Punky D

Very Good Advice

The Girls In My Circle

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
You will be shown the best, in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your partner.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your parents.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke,

or just be.

One friend will say, "Let's cry together,"
another, "Let's fight together,"

another, "Let's walk away together."
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ....
those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several...
one from 6th grade,
one from high school,
some from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on others, your sisters, cousins,
and on some days, your daughters.

This was sent to my by a very special friend and it struck me that there's an awful lot of truth in it. It also made me think, not 'just' of my woman friends, but that someone could easily write something similar for the friends they've met in blogging. Not me, of course. I'm not that talented. But the thought is there.

So here's to all my woman friends. And my blogging friends. Cheers.

Yesterday I Met A Stranger

I borrowed [okay, okay ... stole] this from Casdock at Mother of Shrek because it reasonated with me on so many levels at the moment. From my 'real' friends to my blog friends ... to the thoughts I've been having as I watch my mother slip away.

So thank you, Casdock, I hope you don't mind a little sharing between friends.

Yesterday I met a stranger…
Today this stranger is my friend.

Had I not taken the time to say hello, or return a smile, or shake a hand, or listen; I would not have known this person.

Yesterday I hugged someone very dear to me. Today they are gone… and tomorrow will not bring them back.

Wouldn't it be nice if we all knew tomorrow would be here?
But this is not to be, so take the time today to give a hug, a smile, and an "I love you"

…Just for today,
…smile at a stranger
...listen to someone's heart
…drop a coin where a child can find it
…learn something new, and then teach it to someone
…tell someone you are thinking of them
…hug a loved one
…don't hold a grudge
…don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry"
…look at a child and tell them how great they are
…don't kill that spider in your house, he's just lost so show him the way out
…look beyond the face of a person into their heart
…make a promise and keep it
…call someone for no reason, just to say "hi"
…show kindness to an animal
…stand up for what you believe in
…smell the rain, feel the breeze, listen to the wind, dance with nature
…use all your senses to their fullest
…cherish all your todays.

Author Unknown