I miss you so much and some days it hurts so bad I think I will never survive. But I know I will because you would expect no less.
You would tell me that I have a family to think of, who need me to take care of them. And, of course, you’re right.
You would also say that my being sad and crying over you is the last thing in the world you want. You would tell me you want me to live my life, enjoy it and be happy. That I will never doubt. I promise you I will do my best.
You gave me so much. You were my go to person. My rock. Both emotionally and financially. Who do you go to when your go to person is gone? Quite frankly, I’m still trying to figure that out.
You were and are a wonderful mother and an amazing grandmother. We were all so very blessed to have you in our lives. From all the time you spent in the hospital with your one granddaughter to all the hugs, kisses and unconditional love you lavished on the other, to always being there for me, I don’t know how I would have ever survived those early days without you.
I just wish I could have done more for you. I know I had no choice but to put you in the hospital when I did, but how I wish I could have given you what you so desperately wanted and needed and kept you home longer. Please never forget, never doubt how much you were and are loved.
In all honesty, I don’t know what to think. I don’t know whether I will ever see you again or not. But whatever may be, I will never, ever stop holding you in my heart. They say that someday I will be able to think of you, remember the happy times and just smile. I would like to believe that, I really would. In the meantime, I will just remember you and try to smile through my tears.
And I know you will be waiting for that day when you can rejoin Dad, when death will be no more, neither will mourning, nor outcry nor pain be any more, for the former things have passed away.
Until then. I love you, Mom. Always and forever.