I just spent the better part of the morning with the Blue Jay, weeding out her "Friends" list on Facebook. We went from roughly 400 "friends" down to 173. Which, really, is just as ridiculous as the 400 number when you think about it.Yeah, yeah, I know. It's Facebook, for goodness sake. Play the game and shoot for 1000. Maybe even 2000.
Which is all fine and good if that's what you're into. And you don't have various challenges.
A couple of the Blue Jay's "friends" (actually, kids from school that she barely knew, if at all) started having some very interesting chats with her this past summer. About boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. And what you should do with your boyfriend. In graphic detail. If you get my drift. Yeah, that's what I said.
We only came to find out about it by chance, when the Blue Jay made a comment to her sister about something she wanted to "do" to her "boyfriend" (I could write a whole post on that particular relationship but suffice to say that it's a very safe relationship for the Blue Jay while still giving her that social status of having a "boyfriend").
So. Yeah.
I mean you need to get this - although at times she is pure teen attitude and her body is that of a 17-year-old, mentally she's about equivalent to a 9-year-old.
She has no interest in this stuff. At least not until other people instigate it. And instigate it they do. And interested she becomes. For the simple reason that she has been hearing that this is what everyone else does. And all she wants is to fit in with everyone else. To be like them and be accepted.
Leaving us suppose to do what exactly?
She is 17. She doesn't understand why she can't be like other 17-year-olds. Allowed to do the things they do and have the freedom they have. Even though she has absolutely no interest in three-quarters of the things they do. Let's just say that her real interests are at a much younger level.
And so we do our best to protect her from this foolishness. To keep her safe while at the same time trying to do do the near polar opposite and foster her independence.
I've heard it said that kids don't come with a manual. No joke. But neither do kids with special needs and let me tell you - I could really, really use one right now.
4 comments:
Dear MMC,
I can see the problems you are having to face with the Blue Jay and I can see how complicated everything becomes as children grow older. The only advice I can think of is talking to her quite frankly about everything, about sex, about the consequences, about why some 'friends' are not right for her and why ... easy for me to say, I know, but what are your options? You can't stop her from entering FAcebook because the backlash could be worse, you are just going to have to teach, insist, listen and trust. Praying is good too. You are so obviously a mother committed to protecting your children and I am sure you will manage to do so without cutting her wings. I hope she learns to know who to chat with and who not to chat with - and that she has to trust you implicitly.
EB
Yikes sister.. it is a challenge. Double yikes!!!! Sending you lots of good vibes to be two steps ahead of each game. xooooxxoox
wow...one concept which is hard sometimes for our most literal kids to "get" is that all kids talk about things as if "everyone is doing it" when actually--especially with sex--it's often a bluff to make themselves look bigger/better/more mature.
And the ones who are doing it.....
sigh. If we could get across the idea that they're the losers, literally, in the long run.....
Teenagers are difficult even w/out the special needs issues. I can't begin to imagine how that has been for you.
I can, however, send positive energy and prayers your way.
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