Tuesday, November 29, 2011


No, not the blog. Just me.

Overwhelmed, overburdened, overstretched ... overcome.

It's been a year since my husband lost his job. [Stupid expression ... now if we could just remember where he put it, everything would be fine.] And for the past year, I honestly feel like I've never stopped running.

A wrongful dismissal suit against his former boss.

A fight to get Employment Insurance (due to said wrongful dismissal).

Defending the bogus lawsuit his former employer then brought against him (to get out of paying the judgment in the wrongful dismissal suit).

Another fight with Employment Insurance due to their efforts to collect the entire judgment in the wrongful dismissal suit as income (and therefore an overpayment), even though we had only received half of it at that point.

Helping my husband study for and take the five-hour exam necessary for him to get the papers saying he was qualified to do the work he has done for over 30 years.

Fighting to get him the necessary accommodations for the exam (there's a whole long story to that we're not even going to touch today).

There's more. In between here. We won't discuss that. Not here.

Getting the Kit Kat where she needed to be.

The constant battle to get her sister an appropriate education.

*Starting* my own business (after being self-employed for17 years??), involving workshops and a tonne of paperwork to keep the people that are helping me start my business happy. Somehow that's not helpful. The tonne of paperwork, I mean. Not the workshops. They've actually been helpful except that I have been so busy with so many other things that I have hardly had time to process (let alone implement) any of the great ideas and information I'm getting.

You see, I gave up one of my two clients (from the legal analyst work I was doing before and continue to do) in order to concentrate more fully on this new business. But shortly thereafter, some unexpected research jobs fell in my lap that I simply could not afford (financially) to say no to.  Which means I have hardly had any time to focus on the new business. And yet I seem to be working more and more hours. And having less and less time to do the things I like to do just for myself. Like blogging and reading blogs, for example. All that and I am now half way through the Self Employment Benefits program that I accessed to get the new business going.

But shall we continue -very recently finding out that my husband can't go back to his former employment (even if he coudl fine a job) because he could well lose what's left of his hearing, which is progressively getting worse and worse.

Realizing this past week that he has about one month less of EI entitlement left than we thought - meaning he only has a few weeks left. Yep, it will run out a week or two before Christmas.

Dealing with the myriad of paperwork that has now come my way to help my husband apply for retraining (which first involves intensive literacy upgrading). Did I say myriad? I meant myriad.

And then ... the icing on the cake.

It's November 29th. Three years. And I miss her so much.

And yet, it's almost feels like I am not allowed time even for that - the Kit Kat was very close to her Grandma and each anniversary of that date seems to strike her as hard as the last. Fro me, although I'[ve been thinking a lot about Mom lately and it hurts (a lot), I find it doesn't have quite the same sharp sting it used to. But it seems to be just as sharp as ever for the Kit Kat.

And then I read this today on her FaceBook page:
tomorrow is going to be another year of not seeing you, of not feeling your hugs or your voice telling me it will be ok or that god is looking after me its also another year of you not here ♥ :'( I love you grandma and I miss you with all my heart!!
And then I cried.


Pogue said...

There isn't much I can say, but we're out here to listen (read). Deep breath, and move forward. You're up to it.

MMC said...

Hey, Pogue, it means a lot to see that you're still here. Thanks for that.

tam said...

Oh MMC....hugs to you. Words cannot come close to conveying what I'm feeling, so I hope you're picking up on my vibes.

All my love to all of you.

MMC said...