Thursday, March 11, 2010

Running Walking Scared

I hate to be a whiner.

Or, perhaps more accurately, if 'n I'm going to whine, can I at least have some cheese with that?

Blogging remains light. Both here and at the other blog. And that bothers me because, after all, it is me, so of course I have things to say. And yet, as much as that bugs me, it's really the least of my concerns.

In the past 24 hours I found myself trying to express (with conviction, nonetheless) the same thought, albeit for very different reasons, to both my husband and a good friend. Namely that although there is much in life we can't control, the one thing we always do have control over is our attitude, how we choose to respond to what life throws at us.

Sounds rather noble, doesn't it? Ain't I smart?

The problem is that I'm feeling a mite hypocritical at the moment. Because although I tried to give myself a rather stern talking to this afternoon on the very same topic, I seem to have trouble taking my own advice heeding my own words of wisdom. In other words, apparently I am having a bit of difficulty adjusting my own attitude to what life is throwing at me at the moment.

Not to put too fine a point on it. But. I. Am. Scared.

And wimpy. And whiny. And more than a little bit cranky too.

I haven't been feeling well lately. That you know.

What you most likely don't know is that I'm not exactly starting to feel any better. And I could very easily freak myself out just a little and start to believe that things are actually getting worse. But I would really rather not go there.

Which leaves me here. Wondering if I should create a new blog label. "Warning - Whining Ahead".

And struggling to control my own emotions. To not "freak out", so to speak.

I go back to see the specialist in May. And my plan had been is to simply wait it out until then. Keep on keepin' on.

Which is what I will do suppose. Seeing as how I don't seem to have many other options at the moment.

And yes, yes, I did question whether this was an appropriate blog post. And then, after giving the matter the careful consideration it deserved, decided ... to hell with it.

It's my blog. I'll cry if I want to.


tam said...

{{{{{MMC}}}}} sending you giant hugs and love...I'll send you an email when I have some more time.


Pogue said...

Whining is a chronic thing, I don't believe that describes you. Don't worry if you need to express your fears or concerns. Yes, it's your blog, and we're here for you.

MMC said...

Thanks, guys.
I really can't stand people who whine ... unless it's white and they have a selection of other suitable beverages available as well. ;-)

Kris, in New England said...

As you've said at my place recently - the blogger can talk about as much personal stuff as they are comfortable with revealing. And yup - it's your blog.

That said - are you sure it's wise to wait until May? Perhaps even a phone consult...???