Sunday, August 24, 2008

Questions About the 2010 Olympics

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, people all over the world are asking questions.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see polar bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto--can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a moose. It is tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to it. You can scare it off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.


Punkys Dilemma said...

Congratulations Vancouver for winning the host for the 2010 Olympics! I love the Olympics. :)

Love your Q & A on Canada. I feel much better now knowing this bit of important info. :)

doorkeeper said...

Thanks for the laugh. BTW, will be sending all the dumb Americans there. Just tell them they can't come back, k?

And, congrats, eh?

Punkys Dilemma said...

will be sending all the dumb Americans there. Just tell them they can't come back, k?

Awww Poor Canada. It's bad enuf they're already bombarded with our AWOL dweebs that jumped the fence into Canada. ;)

MMC said...

Yeah, enough already!
Send them back! :D

Eddie Law said...

This is really funny. BTW is Canadian English sounds very much different from American English?

MMC said...

Not much different Eddie. Regional accents will vary (but then again they do across the US too).

Quite a few spellings are different though. For example ~ labor (US) and labour (Cdn), same with colour, honour, etc. We spell it the UK way aka the right way.