More Word Play For Lexophiles

• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



• She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.



• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.



• The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



• No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



• A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.



• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'



• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'



• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'



• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.



• It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.



• The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



• In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



• When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



• Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
  
  

H/T to Tera